I feel like I'm looking into a mirror when I read this. The task of caring for my wife's 91 year old mother has befallen us - it began 10 years ago., we are in our early 50s. So much of what you wrote can be applied to our situation, plus factors of culture: the mother is Chinese, and Chinese people have different ways of caring for elders than Americans. I feel like I need to write a whole Medium article on this - but I want to thank you for what you've written - you described some things in a very concise way and I really appreciated that. Good luck with your decision making and care-giving and self-care most of all.