3 Ways to Turn 50

Chris Shelley

It took me well over 49 years to realize that each day might be my last.

When I was one, I figured it was only a matter of time before I turned two. When I was two, I was not at all surprised when I turned three, and so on. Turned thirty just as I always thought I would. Turned forty right on time, there was never any doubt.

Now I’m almost 50, and if I don’t make it to 50, this article is going to look really stupid. At that point I won’t care, but right now, as I stare at a calendar on the wall, it occurs to me that this age deserves some kind of special attention, some novel approach. Half a century! What an accomplishment. All of that not-dying that I’ve been doing is finally paying off. All that careful street-crossing, vitamin-taking, sleeping and work-life balancing is working.

How then, should one turn 50? Could there be more than one way to do so? I’m glad you asked. There are at least three ways to turn 50:

1: Imperceptibly.

You could turn 50 in the middle of a conversation, even in the middle of the middle of a conversation, during a pause between anecdotes or while considering everything that has just been discussed. The moment of turning 50 could pass in silence, the kind gentlemen and ladies exhibit while passing gas in public, their poker faces and inner…